My mum fought off Covid like a chihuahua I saw on the bus - Susan Morrison

Covid. So last year, innit? Well, it must be. Folks are cramming into bars, restaurants and comedy clubs, breathing all over each other in a veritable fug of airborne viruses and bugs, just like the good old days.

The threat has receded so much that our English cousins have to pay for their tests. We’re still getting them free for now. I’ll bet there’s some stockpiling going on.

There’s a short lived business opportunity here for a Scottish LFT spiv to sidle up to people in Southern boozers whispering ‘Pst…you wanna buy something to stick up your nose?’ Be careful, though. Some folks could get the wrong idea, expecting a line of white powder, not a vial of clear fluid.

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Masks are already becoming passe. There was a bare-faced woman on the bus recently. To be fair, she could have been following pub guidelines, where you’re allowed to remove your mask whilst eating or drinking. She was drinking. Gin in a tin, as it happens.

A feisty chihuahua on the bus reminded columnist Susan Morrison of the way her mum fought off Covid. PIC: rawpixel.co.uk
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The woman next to me hissed, ‘that’s her second’. She was wearing a mask, which demonstrates one of the benefits of mask-wearing. You can say stuff about people and no-one knows who said it. I’m quite keen on this.

The drinking dame also had two chihuahuas with her. This made me nervy, because I have form with tiny dogs on public transport, having once had to rescue a particularly vicious papillon from the toilet of an LNER Azuma.

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The dog's owner was fair sloshing her gin about. I think the chihuahuas had been getting the occasional slurp, because both were on the fighty barky side and went berserk when they spotted a German Shepherd ambling along Leith Walk.

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Very Scottish, in some ways, yer tiny wee dug. One belt of the hard stuff and they’ll take on anything that moves, particularly if it's bigger than them.

So this is how a pandemic ends, is it? Not with a bang, but with the sound of the bin lid shutting on tests, masks and empty bottles of hand sanitizer.

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Hate to rain on the victory parade, but the numbers of people I know who are catching it now seem astronomical. These are people who have assiduously masked, tested and jabbed throughout the pandemic. They maintained that vigilance, but bingo! Two lines on the test.

Even the matriarch of Clan Morrison got bug whacked. How she came by it is a mystery, since that woman hasn’t stepped out without being more masked up than a particularly villainous highwayman.

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Fortunately, my mother may be small, but she has the fury of a drunken chihuahua, and fought it off. She only had a pesky cough for a day or so. Three jabs helped, I’m guessing.

Most of the people coming down with Covid now seem to be in the same boat. It’s annoying, but few are being blue-lighted to hospital. Even fewer are winding up in ICU, but some are, and there are people really being hammered by it, sometimes for months afterward.

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Just a thought. Those tests. It’s handy to know where the bug is. We’ve been giving them out like sweeties for yonks now. Couldn’t we keep them free and out of the hands of potential Del Boys for just a few months longer?

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