The European Super League has ominously emerged on our footballing horizon like the Death Star, threatening to obliterate the sport as we know it via a monstrously wealthy, elite institution set to serve a mere handful of clubs.
Under the current proposals, Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea, Man Utd, Man City and Spurs will take part in the new, highly lucrative midweek competition, alongside another six clubs from around Europe - essentially destroy the element of meritocracy which makes the existing structure so compelling.
This could see the see the clubs taking part banned from the Premier League, and their players stopped from appearing in future World Cups, as just punishment for the most audacious power grab in the history of the sport.
Here, we detail six horrendous football proposals, which still wouldn't be as bad as the abhorrent European Super League:
1. Scrapping pies
The half-time pie, like skimming the programme pre-match or looking aghast at an overflowing urinal, is a footballing institution. Sure, pushing for a healthier society is obviously a must, but scrapping the weekly pastry 'n' innards treat for quinoa salads would be a dark day indeed.
Photo: Dave Thompson
2. The referee's a...banker?
Admit it, there's been occasions when you've believed you'd do a much better job than the ref. Under this (mercifully fantastical) proposal, referees would be plucked each week, at random, from society - a little like jury duty. The scenes when Barnsley milkman Keith takes to the field astride his float would be glorious, mind.
Photo: Michael Regan
3. Mascots on penalties
Imagine: it's the final day of the season, and your side need to win to avoid relegation. The game is deep into stoppage time, and you're awarded a penalty. Rather than the cool-headed star striker, your club's future rests in the hands of jovial polyester and felt-clad jester - or a giant boiler. Horrifying.
Photo: Stu Forster
4. FanZone the only commentary
Sure, Martin Tyler's endless puns are enough to make you howl with rage into a pillow sometimes, but Sky Sports' infamous 'FanZone' button was in a whole different league of tedium. That infernal racket, for every single televised game, for ninety minutes. It's the stuff of nightmares.
Photo: SOEREN STACHE